Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monthly Meeting

"Gang, I wanted to touch base with you all to let you know how smooth the office is running. Probably to your chagrin, I have no trouble spots to go over today." Bill laughed at his own quip. "Let's get right to your concerns and then move on to the good news I have for you. Who's first?"

Not a single hand went up, which was quite unusual for our fussy bunch. Eyes searched the room and everyone looked relieved until Miss Bombshell's hand shot up like fireworks.

"Actually, I have one itty-bitty concern," she said.

"Go ahead." Bill massaged his chin.

"And I don't mean to point fingers, but I'd hate not to--"

"Okay?" Bill seemed to be losing his patience.

"Omacine's been losing lots of files lately, and it's slowing us up and making the front desk look as if we're not doing our job. And as the newly appointed Front Desk Manager--"

"Are we saying losing or misplacing, Ms. Philips?"

"What's the difference?"

"There is a difference." He pointed to my partner, Lina. "And Ms. Diaz is not having the same problem? They work hand in hand."

"Funny you mention that." Bombshell let out an awkward laugh. "Lina's been the one recovering Omacine's misplaced files. If it weren't for Lina we'd really be in a bind."

Bill looked at me but I couldn't read his stare.

"Omacine?" With that loaded one worded question, the entire room eyed me, hoping I'd make it quick--I guess.

"Mr. Maddox, I'm working on it?" It fumbled out of my mouth as more of a question than an answer. I mean, misplacing my files was a new habit and a mystery to me as well.

"Good enough," he said. "I trust Ms. Buckeye has everything under control, being she's never given me any reason to doubt that."

Miss Bombshell looked disgusted by his brush off, but she didn't utter any sound or movement.

Mr. Maddox continued, "I know I'm always trying to build a better and stronger office, pushing you all to be and do your best. I wanted to thank all of you for your dedication by treating you to dinner at Show Me."

Our faces lit up--even Miss Bomshell's--as people gasped for air. Show Mewas a mellow and hip Neo-Soul restaurant where the best local and regional talent performed. Owned by a famous R&B producing team, people from all colors and walks of life wanted to eat at this place for its talent and famous faces. Unless you wanted to sit at the bar, reservations had to be booked months in advance. Floor seating was the best, as it kept the dinners up-close and personal with the musicians. And the food? Well, it totally completed the mellow atmosphere and amazing talent that graced the stage. But for me all of this was just hearsay from my cousin, Madeline, as I'd never actually stepped foot inside the place.

"But Mr. Maddox, no one can get reservations there! How'd you do it?" asked an eager staff member.

Maddox pointed at the deep dimple at the side of his right cheek. "Who could resist this smile?" Everyone laughed of course, not wanting to ruin their chances at this offer. "No, seriously, the truth is we have our very own Keith Dons to thank for that inside track."

Everyone turned and cheered Keith on; I sat in awe of him.

Keith threw his hands up like a modest rock star. "Guys and gals, please...it was nothing."

"It was nothing, alright," Bombshell spoke in a low voice to Lina, "I hear he's a big deal at Show Me."

Lina's eyes bugged out. "Whoa!"

"So..." Bill rubbed his hands together. "We'll be dining to the magnificent voice of our very own, Keith Dons."

The room broke into a roar of cheers and it appeared that this outbreak caused Keith genuine embarrassment. I doubted that many of us in the room had known that Keith was a singer--I hadn't. Actually, I didn't know much about Keith aside from the awkward mini conversations we had everyday.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 4:52 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Journal Entry
Grocery shopping did not go as planned. I felt like such a liar as I strolled through the store with my list. I watched as skinny women pushed their carts around with fresh fruits and veggies. There was no way I was going to do the same--I would have gotten stares from everyone in the place. And I could imagine they'd be thinking: She's knows she's fat, there's no way she's eating that healthy stuff in her cart. If she were eating it she wouldn't be as fat as she is. I did get the low sodium luncheon meat and the diet soda, though. I'm hoping that will be a step in the right direction. I was glad it wasn't low fat luncheon meat, it would have been embarrassing to stand there in my fat glory and ask the deli guy for LOW FAT anything. So tonight it's fried chicken from We Fry It Up.

But now, as I think about it, I wished I'd had the courage to purchase the healthier items. Hmph, courage.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 6:46 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Omacine's List
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 6:24 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Wedding Blues
The wedding is a year off and already I'm being bombarded with tasks. I just received an email from my dear cousin.

From: MadelineShaw@mymail.com
Subject: Maid of Honor Gown
To: OmacineBuckeye@mymail.com

My Dear Omacine,

I found this fabulous gown that you'd look amazing in. Take a look at it and let me know what you think. I know I'm a bit ahead of schedule, but there are so many things to do that I don't want to fall behind--and your dress is at the top of my list. I want the two of us to look breathtaking. Here's the dress:



Love you lots! Email me back soon!

P.S. -- Your mom says she searched the net, too, and found a dress she thinks you'll let great it. She said she'll be emailing it to you. When you get her email, please forward it to me so that I can see the dress.

Love always,

Maddie

Um, yeah, right! As if I could fit one toe into that dress. Things like this make me questions Maddie's sincerity. My ugly face up against that Badgley Mischka gown?


Come on! I'm fat, I'm fat, I'm fat! Ugh!

And then as if that wasn't enough, this is the PLUS SIZE figured gown my mom sent in her email:

It's bad enough I'm fat and ugly, I'd hate to accentuate that fact with an even uglier gown! What am I gonna do? All I know is I'm not forwarding that ugly gown to Maddie. No way!
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 5:31 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Always the...Never the...
"Hello?"

"Omacine Buckeye, how are you?"

It was my cousin Madeline Shaw, her sugary voice toyed with my despair.

"Hey, Maddie."

"You alright? You sound a little down."

Maddie always seemed concerned about my state of mind; she'd been like that since we were kids, and I never could quite figure out if it was genuine or not.

"Oh, nothing. Had a rough day at work."

A rough day, and I was sulking in it with a tub of chocolate ice cream.

"Well," she continued, "I have some news that I hope will cheer you up."

What wasn't cheery about dear Mads.

"Omacine! You there?"

"I'm here. Excited to hear your news."

"Omacine, I'm getting married."

"Married!" I choked on my ice cream. Not that I was shocked that a guy was interested in beautiful Maddie, but I couldn't' believe she'd actually found one to like the most. Maddie had always attracted the biggest crowd of gorgeous men to walk the face of this earth.

"Yes, married!" she squealed. I imagined her waving an expensive engagement ring in the air.

"I'm so happy for you." I wiped the sticky chocolate from my chin.

"Well, the even bigger news is that I want you to be my maid-of-honor. Will you, Omacine? Will you!"

"Um..."

"Omacine, I'd die if you refused. You're my best friend and favorite cousin in the world; I can't do this without you."

I was her only friend because it seemed other women felt threatened by her perfection and kindness. Once again I was left wondering if Maddie was genuine or not, but I knew the hell I'd pay if I didn't accept her offer--being that she's my mother's sister's daughter, and mom thinks she's the best thing since Jesus was resurrected.

I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could. "I'd be honored."

"Omacine, I hear the trepidation in your voice, but I assure you, you won't regret this."

"I don't know. You know I'm not good at things like this."

She sighed. "Omacine, that's what you always say and then we always end up having such a great time."

We do?

"Have you told my mom?" I asked.

"Hey, baby! It's your momma and Auntie on the phone!"

"Mom? Auntie? Maddie, you didn't!"

"I just wanted to be sure that I had backup if you acted like your usual self."

"Mom!" I shouted.

"Now Omacine, stop acting up--"

"I can't believe you guys!"

My auntie giggled in the background.

"Omacine, I'm so sorry," Maddie said in a sullen voice, which appeared to be very genuine--as I was sure she'd been put up to it by our moms; this wasn't Maddie's style. "I was just so excited and I wanted you to be too. I didn't mean to upset you. I--"

"See Omacine. Now look what you've done!" mom shouted.

Me? What'd I do?

The next thing I knew all three of them were crying, shouting, and apologizing all at the same time.

"Okay! Okay!" I interrupted. "Maddie, it's no big deal, I was just caught off guard. I'm happy about your engagement and I happy to be apart of this thing."

"Oh, Omacine!" she cried, "We're going to have a blast. Now we only need to..."

I tuned out as the three hens clucked on and on about the engagement and all the things I'd need to do.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 8:32 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Journal Entry

My workout plans haven't gone so well. It's always the first and last thing on my schedule, but I can't bring myself to doing it. Today I made it as far as the mailbox when these guys passed me in a car. I felt fat and stupid--and the smirk on their faces didn't help. Who was I kidding? So I turned back around and went into the house and sulked.

On my way in, Mr. Tibbs asked if I'd retrieve his mail. IT"S SUNDAY for crying out loud. Not only does he check his mail on Sundays, but he checks his mailbox 3 to 4 times a day. Our mailman delivers our mail like clockwork--1:25 sharp. If Old Man Tibbs knows what hour the mail is coming, why does he visit the box 100 times a day? And why am I always doing SUNDAY mailbox runs for him. Mom needs to place a memo under his door: OLD MAN Tibbs, mail IS not, WILL not, WON"T ever be delivered on Sundays--period!

What I wouldn't give for a chocolate bar. Mom picked me up to do some grocery shopping yesterday. Watching her fill her cart with healthy foods totally turned me off from the bag of Oreos I was eyeing. I mean, they were on sale! TWO for $3. What was I thinking? I could use those right now. I should have gone shopping alone, but then mom would have asked why I hadn't go with her.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to face Miss Bombshell or Keith. I'd rather bungee jump my fat ass off of the building instead. With my luck I'd land on my face and only look 100 times worse than I already do.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 8:13 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The Mr. Dons Encounter
"Oma-cine..." Miss Bombshell sang. "We need that file as soon as possible."

"I'm moving as fast as I can."

"Well, fast isn't going to cut it. We have lots of people waiting." Miss Bombshell turned and flung her luxurious locks, highlights glistening and blinding.

I sighed as I searched through all possible file options. Hey, sometimes M could be mistaken for N, right? But lately it seemed as if more and more files were coming up missing.

Someone cleared their throat, but I refused to look up; I couldn't bear it if Miss Bombshell had to come again and ask for the file.

"Omacine?"

I waved them off.

"Omacine!"

I stood erect when that sweet familiar voice hit my eardrum. He approached me. I took a step back and fidgeted with my crocked top.

"Omacine..."

I tried to breathe.

He approached again, and as I tried to step back, I was stopped by the file cabinets. He reached for my nappy hair and I jumped.

"Wait... Here." He placed a big ball of white lint in my hair.

"Oh!" I said nervously as I toyed with the white ball. "These file cabinets are so old and dusty."

"Wait a minute." He touched my right cheek. "Looks like baby powder, maybe?"

Silly, fat me.

"No, actually that's powder from this morning's donut." Now I was even more nervous. Fat and nervous.

"Yeah, Bunny said there were donuts up-front..."

Bunny Philips was Miss Bombshell's real name.

"I was just heading there to get one. Do you want another?"

"Oh, my! Of course not." I wiped my face.

How could someone as fat as me need another donut?

"You sure?" he asked.

"Positive."

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"Yeah...later..." I waved as he walked off.

"Omacine! The file!" Miss Bombshell yelled from her front desk.

"Crap!"

"Crap?" Lina asked.

"Oops, did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah. What is it you're looking for?"

"Mr. Mend's file."

"Hmmm... I think I have that in my stack. Let me check." Lina walked over to her files and rummaged through. "Yup, here it is." I went to put out my hand to receive the file. "I'll just bring this to Bunny."

"Ummm... I guess."

"Cool."

I secretly followed Lina to Bombshell's desk and peeked around the corner.

"Bunny, is this the file you're looking for?"

Bombshell looked disgusted. "Ugh! Yes! That Omacine! I can't believe she put me in a fix like this. If she can't hold her weight, and I mean that literally, too, then she needs to find a more suitable position."

I waited for Lina to defend me, but no words followed.

"Thanks Lina, you're a lifesaver."

"Anytime," Lina responded.

Bombshell flung her silky hair as she turned towards the waiting area. "Okay, Mr. Mends, we're ready for you now."

"You people need to get it together," Mr. Mends grunted.

"There are just some people on our staff who don't know how to pull their weight."

My heart sank. And just as I'd sunk as low as my ship could go, I noticed Keith Dons eyeing me from the assortment of donuts towards the other end of Bombshell's desk. When our eyes met, he shook his head and I ran for cover.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 5:28 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Journal Entry
Lina decided on having lunch with Miss Bombshell. Ooooo...just when I thought I couldn't get any lonlier. I sat in the breakroom and pretended to stare at the wall. I mean, how do you pretend to stare at nothing? Bill walked in and gave his usually pleasant smile and then asked where Lina was. I almost slipped and said she was out with Miss Bombshell--I wished I'd said it. Why couldn't I have said it?

I'm hating my hair, and the thought of going for my next appointment doesn't excite me. If I walk out with one more mushroom hairdo I'll scream. For once I'd like my hair to be as bone-straight as the other girls. Auntie swears that chemicals will damage my nappy hair. How can you damage nappy hair? Switching hairstylists isn't an option; auntie's feelings would be so hurt and mom would never forgive me.

I hate my life.

Mr. Tibbs knocked on my door today and asked if I'd turn down the music, actually, he promised to phone mom immediately if I didn't. Very frustrating! The volume was barely up 5 notches. I wanted to yell, "Shut up old man!" but then felt embarrassed that I'd had such thoughts. I mean, what person has such thoughts?

I really need to work on my eating, but I can't muster the energy to make anything tonight. And who am I fooling, I can't boil HOT water. Guess that means another stop at my favorite spot. At least that'll be a great end to an otherwise horrid day.
 
posted by MissNikkiAnn at 6:57 PM | Permalink | 0 comments